To The One That Almost Was (Sincerely Yours)

by IJOSWIL 03-Sep-201909-Mar-2020

Love, they say is something you can’t control, nor stop. Maybe I am the exception to that.
I don’t know when I started loving you, but I do know that I just could not stop loving you. But that was until I stopped.
I miss you. I miss us. I miss our friendship. But I hate our friendship. Our friendship blinded me to the love I had for you.
I believed it was normal. Whenever it seem to be getting intense, I brought it under control. We were both single, we were both available, we were both stubborn.
By the time I realized I loved you, it was too late. We were still single, but we had crossed too many lines. It just wouldn’t be the same. Why is love like this?
First, you meet a stranger, then you become acquaintances, from there to being friends, and then realizing you have blown the chance to be with the one. That escalated faster than I thought. Faster than I could control. Faster than I was aware of.
I wish there was a reset button. I wish I can go back and find out when I started to fall for you. I don’t know if I’ll have prevented it or act on it.
I don’t know if being with you is what is best for me. I don’t know if being together is what is best for us. What I do know is you are the one that almost was.
Not the one that got away, the one that almost was. The one that left me wondering “what if?”.
What if I had spoken up?
What if I hadn’t told you that you ain’t my type of girl?
What if I never asked for your bestie’s number?
What if I told that guy to back off you as you were mine?
What if I had been there that one time you needed me?
What if I didn’t mask my feeling?
What if you were not told that women can’t do the asking?
What if I wasn’t too scared to damage a good thing?
What if…?
To the one that almost was, I do not almost love you. I always loved you, I love you, and I will always love you.
Maybe in another lifetime, we can be more than almost.