As I hear you brushing your teeth from a mile away, I can’t help wondering, are you trying to kill yourself?
Some mornings, I wake with a startle, then remember it is you at it again, are you trying to give me hypertension?
I hear the screaming and gurgling, it sounds just like murder, do you even like yourself?
If you need white teeth that desperately, shouldn’t you go to the dentist for a brightening or just dip your mouth in white paint?
With the scrubbing and grunting, the “whooshing” and “swooshing”, if it were a blue jean you were brushing, wouldn’t it have gone white by now?
They talk about self-love every day, if this isn’t self-harm, then what is?
Do you want to leave children scared and scarred from hearing you brush?
Or did you have a nightmare where you forgot to brush your teeth and you are now trying to make up for it?
Wait. Was it one where you ate shit and you are desperate to brush out the taste?
With the way you brush, shouldn’t one round of brushing last you the whole week?
With the severity and intensity with which you brush, wouldn’t your Fitbit count it as an exercise?
Haven’t you seen people who jog for a mile and sweat less than you do after you brush your teeth?
Even people “doing the do” do they sweat this much?
No be white teeth you dey find? Abi you get another reason for brushing your teeth?

Wilson Joshua is a Video Editor, Content Creator, and Creative Writer.
Follow him on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram. @IJOSWIL

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