Mr. President, how are you?

Yes, I know you are fine, but what exactly is wrong?

No, don’t tell me nothing is wrong cause you have been M.I.A for a while too long now. Once again, how are you?

Sir, in the whole of Nigeria, is there no E.N.T specialist that you can trust with your ear or was that just a lie?

I know one at LUTH, another at UBTH and a very good one at UCH, can I slide their contacts into your dm?

Some people are claiming your main reason for wanting the presidency was the perks of world-class health care at no cost to you, what should I tell them, Sir?

Others are saying you are only resting in preparation for the 2019 elections, isn’t that a wee bit too early sir?

Another small group have been busy asking for either your resignation or impeachment, should I call them haters or is Uncle Ade and the Mallam doing a good job of handling them?

Sir, yes we need strong institutions and not strong men, but don’t strong men create and make strong institutions?

Or have you already created the strong institutions and we are not aware of them?

By the way My President Sir, Why didn’t Madam and The Professor share the trip to come and see you? Don’t they know aviation fuel is expensive and Nigeria is broke, (or not)?

Sir, Professor said prayer alone cannot fix Nigeria but doctors say “we care, God cures” isn’t it time we intensify prayers for you?

I can put together a strong team of prayer warriors, but are we going to be praying on something when we don’t know exactly what it is?

Sir, is there even a cabal that insists on you being president against your wish?

Is this cabal the same we heard about during that fuel subsidy fiasco or another one?

If it’s a different one, do these cabals know themselves and do they have something like a Nigerian Association of Cabals?

If there is one, I wonder who is their president, do you know?

Have you been catching up with events in the country? Did you hear of the judgment delivery on the PDP case Sir? Are you worried they might finally start their job of being an opposition?

Do you miss us? I hope it’s not that you got tired of our wahala or our recession Sir?

I almost forgot to ask you, Sir, Have you seen that comedian that acts like you? He is funny and we think he might be able to get you laughing heartily, would you look him up and tell us what you think about him in your next interview?

Pardon my plenty questions Sir, since neither the press nor your kitchen cabinet would tell us anything, I just wanted to ask on behalf of the Association of Concerned Nigerians; Mr. President Sir, how are you?

Wilson Joshua is a Video Editor, Content Creator and Creative Writer.
Follow him on Twitter and Instagram. @IJoswil