Lovers Database – YMCMPP

Last week was Valentine’s Day. The sheer volume of kasala, palaver, wahala and drama Nigeria and its plenty lovers witness is officially too much.
The YMCMPP has come to the realization that one of the major things holding back this potentially great nation from progressing is unfaithfulness among lovers.
The truth is legally, you can be polygamous in Nigeria, but then cheating on your partner is not allowed.
Nigerian men and women spend too much time and resources arranging an extra boo for themselves, as well as hiding said boo from their original bae. Meanwhile, bae cannot either waste their time being faithful to these “lovers” or spend time and resources trying to confirm their suspicion that their “boo” has another boo.
Because of national interest, and to help focus our individual resources on beneficial endeavors, YMCMPP have decided that when we become the majority party in government, we will be creating a lovers database.
Every Nigerian from eighteen years old and above shall be mandated to enroll in the database. This will ensure everybody knows who is dating or married to who.
With this information being available in public domain, you can look up whoever you are “eyeing” to tell if they are single or not. This will help ensure you can shoot your shot at the right persons and your “investment” never enter into “voicemail”.
Also, you can easily tell when that fine boy or girl is single. At least, they’ll now have to tell you exactly why they are turning you down, rather than telling you that “I am engaged”.
An important part of this policy is the “try and rest” period. This is a transitional period between two relationships. As a government that is concerned about the all-round well-being of our populace, we cannot allow you to carry the “baggage” of one relationship into another.
No matter how fine you are, how much of a “hotcake” you are, or how many “toasters” you have, you can’t just jump from one relationship into another. A mandatory waiting period of at least forty-five days must be observed, after which you will be evaluated by a team of relationship experts, psychologist and psychiatrists to confirm if you are ready for another relationship.
Another wonderful feature of the lovers database is the “love limit”. We know a lot of us have “a lot of love to share”. Yet, you can’t just be falling in and out of love anyhow.
Every unmarried citizen of Nigeria is allowed to date a maximum of three people every year. If for any reason you exhaust your three lovers before the last day of the calendar year, you will have to wait until the new year before you can date someone new.
There is a “grace window” though. If you decide to go back to date one of the persons who you have dated within that calendar year, as long as both of you meet the “try and rest” criteria, you will be allowed to date each other.
By implementing this policy, we believe we can help Nigerians focus on other productive enterprises, thereby improving the economy and happiness index of our dear Nation rapidly.
YMCMPP. A Richer Nigeria, For Richer Nigerians.

Wilson Joshua is a Video Editor, Content Creator and Creative Writer.
Follow him on Twitter and Instagram. @IJoswil