I Am Here To Assure You – YMCMPP

Fellow Countrymen, it has come to our attention that the political class of Nigeria has decided to give our comedians and other entertainers a run for their money. We have gone from the Great Awo, Tafa Balewa and Zik of Africa to Dino and Baba Shina Rambo.

Our legislature is showing to us that they will perform better on Nigeria’s Got Talent than in the hallowed chambers of our National Assembly. We watch our Prof V.P outperforming any stand-up comedian at most events and who can forget the beauty that is Mama Peace?

If Muhammed will not come to the mountain, then the mountain will have to come to Muhammed. The time has come for us to show how governance should and should not be done.

Fellow Countrymen, my name is Joe, you can call me Jay or J-Money, and I will be your president. Someday.

Assure, Nigeria, Fiction, Satire, Politics, Election, Comedy, Entertainment,
As your President, I will give these children better toys.

Why president? Why not? Can I do any worse than those who have gone before me? Can I disappoint you any more than those who have already disappointed you? What could go wrong? What more is there to lose?

Assure, Nigeria, Fiction, Satire, Politics, Election, Comedy, Entertainment,
I can assure you that I won’t raise your BP any higher. 

I cannot promise to fix all of Nigeria’s problems, but I can promise not to create any more problems. I cannot promise that my presidency will make your personal life any better, but I can assure you that I will listen more to you. How will I do this? I will follow you on Twitter and Instagram, I will accept your friend request on Facebook, and I will always respond to your DMs.

All of these years, we as Nigerians have complained of how a few have been eating up our common-wealth, I assure you, your share of the national-cake will come to you. Directly. Literally. Every Nigerian will get a one day and night invite to Aso Rock. You come over, enjoy out of whatever meal we prepared from the big budget for feeding at Aso Rock, and most importantly, when leaving in the morning, you get a slice of a cake to take home with you. The cake will come in the form of a Nigerian Map and will be colored Green and White. What more could count as National Cake?

Assure, Nigeria, Fiction, Satire, Politics, Election, Comedy, Entertainment,
I will make sure this baby stops crying, by giving him his share of the national cake.

I do not yet know when I will be running for office, but I can assure you that eventually, I will be running for the Presidency. Share this with your friends, start to galvanize even your enemies, you may not like them that much, but you do have the interest of Nigeria as a common interest.

Assure, Nigeria, Fiction, Satire, Politics, Election, Comedy, Entertainment,
I will give them better network, so they don’t have to climb a hill to make a call,

Fixing Nigeria starts from both the bottom and the top. We are the leaders of tomorrow, but there can only be one president at a time. When I decide to become the president, I hope you will have done you bit by ensuring this manifesto gets to everyone, and no one contests against me.

Nigeria, Good People, Great Nation.

Wilson Joshua is a Video Editor, Content Creator and Creative Writer.
Follow him on Twitter and Instagram. @IJoswil